Got a toothbrush?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
