I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
only you would photoshop your dick
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
