trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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