Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize