is your mom at the bar?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
