his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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