And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
