I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
