hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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