If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
