K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
