Whod you bang
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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