tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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