Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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