I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
