She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
