I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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