Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
