she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There r osticjed everywhere
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
