why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
