6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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