ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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