I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
