THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
