I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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