Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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