1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
