We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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