i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
