seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
