i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
