Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
