He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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