Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
