I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
