I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Someone came in the potted fern
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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