In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
