I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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