You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sarcasm needs its own font
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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