so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
