I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
