I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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