If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
