Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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