I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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