Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
