I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Still dying that you shit outside
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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