jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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