Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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