Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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