I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
