I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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