Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just tell him i said nine months
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
