Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
