Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
