oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
