And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
