just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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