i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
