ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
