can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
