I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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