I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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